Did Nimrod Have a Fake Beard?

Lammasu2
Fig. 1: Lammasu tetramorph

Did Nimrod have a fake beard? It looks fake. The short answer is: probably. But first we have to establish his historical identity so that we can reasonably reach that conclusion. History books, and even the bible, will tell you a very limited amount of information. They will say that Nimrod was “the mighty hunter” and the King of Babylon. He is credited with being the first to gather people into cities and was the king during the construction of the Tower of Babel and the scattering of the languages.

He was more than just a king and hunter, but more is not always better. He was the Tyrant of a Thousand Faces, known by a multitude of names throughout the annals of history. He had so many identities, and he was worshiped by so many names and variations, that it is truly astonishing to comprehend his influence. We won’t go into a full history, but let us pick up our palm fronds of hind-sighted perfect vision to wave away the obfuscating smoke of time and examine whether antiquity’s great super villain, the great impostor, the anti-Christ, the tyrant, the Pharaoh-god, the master ma-hon of the post flood world, the mimicker of the Priesthood of God, is the great fake, even right down to the beard.

THE NITTY GRITTY: WHO IS THIS NIMROD?

Nimrod is, as mentioned, many people in the pagan world. Some people will tell you that He was married to his mother Semiramis (aka Ishtar), but I’m not convinced that she was Nimrod’s mother. After Nimrod’s death, Semiramis supposedly impregnated herself with his seed by piecing together his chopped up body and fashioning his missing phallus out of gold. The child was Tammuz, who was known as Dumuzi, or the husband of Inana (also Semiramis or Ishtar) in the Sumerian texts. Thus, Tammuz is the one that married his mother.

Semiramis set up Tammuz to be worshiped as the Sun God from the get-go. He was the reincarnation of Nimrod himself, risen again in a triumphal conquering of death! Sound familiar? He was also “born” around December 25th, roughly when the sun is “reborn” at the winter solstice.

Unfortunately for Semiramis’ grand plans, Nimrod’s reincarnation was killed again at about the age of 40 by a wild boar. It was then said that Tammuz lived again through new vegetation (every spring?). Hence, Easter.

The short of it is that Nimrod was a false God, and Tammuz was the false messiah. He still is the false messiah to this day. The Babylonian traditions spread all over the planet in the form of Father-Mother-Son worship and the worship of the sun and moon. The easiest example of the migration of the Babylonian religion is Egypt. Osiris was married to his sister Isis (perhaps Nimrod and Semiramis were siblings), who then begat Horus. Osiris is Nimrod, Isis (moon) is Ishtar/Ester/Semiramis, and Horus (sun) is Tammuz.

Additionally: Nimrod = Osiris (Egypt) = Kronos/Zeus (Nimrod/Tammuz? Greek) = Krishna (Hindu) = Asshur (Hebrew) = Buddha figure (China)

Now that we’ve established some identities, let’s begin.

GET TO THE BEARD ALREADY

snake-hiBefore the reader falls asleep, let’s ask the question: why do we care if Nimrod had a fake beard? Because it tells us more information about the history of Babylon at the very least. Like you care… If he had a fake beard, it was a symbol of authority. What authority? The authority of the Priesthood held by Noah, but probably NOT by his son Ham’s descendants (the reasoning behind this is a whole other casket of snakes that we can talk about another time), among whom was Nimrod. So he didn’t have the Priesthood authority of the line of Shem, therefore, using a fake beard was a way to assert authority when none was present. Hence, the Babylonians were worshiping false gods, and we should probably believe the Hebrews and the Bible over the Sumerian tablets (we should also be careful about becoming enthralled by stories of extra-terrestrials and the Anunnaki, but that subject is for another time).

HISTORICAL PRECEDENT (OR …POST-EDENT?)

If the people of Mesopotamia were the first to build cities and write – as the historians say – then it would not be a stretch to assume that this fake beard phenomena was originated in Mesopotamia; more specifically, it must have originated in Babylon. If this claim is true, then we aught to see similar practices in subsequent cultures across the world.

Egyptians
Hatshepsut
Fig 2: Hatshepsut, the woman Pharaoh with a beard

The Egyptians are the most obvious of the beard-strapping peoples of the ancient world. They even had bearded ladies! The Egyptian beard is considered a symbol of pharaonic power by historians. Here, Hatshepsut (see Figure 2) – a female Pharaoh – is pictured with both the beard and nemes crown.

Others?

I was unable to find any other cultures that used fake beards like the Egyptians did. This might make sense, as Egypt was the most direct cultural child of Babylon. However, there are countless examples of cultures whose priests or shamans use headdresses.

American Indians
native-american-hi
Fig 3: Feathered Headdress

To the native people of the Americas, the feathered headdress is and was akin to the false beard and nemes crown of the pharaohs. According to Encyclopedia.com:

Many Native American people wore some kind of decorative headdress. These headdresses were usually only worn for special ceremonies. The right to wear a headdress had to be earned, and the type of headdress showed the rank of the wearer. Chiefs and high-ranking warriors might wear a special headdress, as might the medicine healer of the tribe. Though most headdresses were worn by men, some women wore them as well. Headdresses were usually made from the fur and feathers of especially sacred animals and were thought to give the power of the animals to the person wearing the headdress.1

Mayans
DP104826
Chakalte’ (Guatamalan or Mexican, active ca. A.D. 750-800) Credit: The Michael C. Rockefeller Memorial Collection, Bequest of Nelson A. Rockefeller, 1979
Druids

This one includes a real beard.

An_Arch_Druid_in_His_Judicial_Habit
Imaginative illustration of ‘An Arch Druid in His Judicial Habit’. From “The Costume of the Original Inhabitants of the British Islands” by S.R. Meyrick and C.H. Smith. [Public Domain]
Norse

Odin with a hat and a real beard. That bird on his head is a whole other subject for another time. But it is also evidence that Odin is just the Norse Nimrod.

Odin_(Manual_of_Mythology)
Odin, by Ludwig Pietsch (1824-1911). Published in Manual of Mythology : Greek and Roman, Norse, and Old German, Hindoo and Egyptian Mythology, by Alexander Murray (1874). Public domain

Whether beard or headdress or both, they seem to symbolize similar things, or they are at least held as important features in masculine deities.

Really Bad Costume

Sargon_of_Akkad
Figure 4: Nimrod with his Odin-like one eye.

Judging from these aforementioned cultures, there were fake beards following the existence of Babylon. So let’s look at the depictions of Nimrod to see if we can conclude that his beard looks fake. Notice how in figure 4 his beard has three layers. There is the straight hair around the mouth and at the top of the beard on the cheeks; it is surrounded by the curly locks immediately on the face. Just below what would be considered a typical beard length on a man’s face in modern times is what looks almost like and extension of sorts. It’s possible that this is a fake.

Below are some other depictions of Nimrod and other “gods” of the region with strange looking beards… and eyebrows.

Notice the wavy hair coming off the head in contrast to the beard hair in figure 5. Notice also that bearded Mesopotamians are never pictured without a hat, which I believe was the device used to hold the beard on the face.

Chaos_Monster_and_Sun_God
Figure 5: Marduk (Nimrod) slaying the chaos monster Tiamat
NarmerVase
Figure 6: Narmer Palette

Narmer of Egypt is pictured here in Figure 6. He was the first Pharaoh to unify Egypt. The catfish (“nar”) and the chisel (“mer”) identify him at the top center. He is depicted as having defeated 6,000 of his enemies and is in the act of smiting his enemy in the head while the others shown below flee the scene.2 There is reason to suppose that Narmer is in-fact Nimrod himself. The similarity between the names Narmer and Nimrod are undeniable. “Nar-Mer” can be tweaked just a little to become “Nar-mer-rod”. Since the vowels of ancient languages are sometimes subject to interpretation, this is not an outrageous claim.

But more to the point, Narmer is shown here with a fake beard – a fake beard attached to a hat, I might add. When people had real beards, they were depicted as having such in the Egyptian hieroglyphs (see Figure 7). The Egyptian is the figure on the very right. Notice the tiny goatee, which might indicate the ability to only grow minimal facial hair.

Races2
Figure 7: By Unknown (original) Heinrich Menu von Minutoli (1772–1846) (drawing) (Hornung, The Tomb of Pharaoh Seti I, 1991.) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
golfing-hiThe Egyptians used a thin strap to fasten the fake beard to their chins. In Sumeria, I would argue that the hat/headdress was used to hold the beard on the chin. Whenever you see a relief carving from ancient Sumeria, the bearded ones always have a hat on their heads. Figure 8 shows the Assyrian king Ashurbanibal with a rather thick headband and a long beard. What appears to be some kind of servant (or what looks like the hunting analog to a golf caddie) is behind him. He has a small headband, but nothing that looks like it would be used to hold a beard on the face. Ashurbanibal’s head band is much larger and lower on the head.

Sculpted_reliefs_depicting_Ashurbanipal,_the_last_great_Assyrian_king,_hunting_lions,_gypsum_hall_relief_from_the_North_Palace_of_Nineveh_(Irak),_c._645-635_BC,_British_Museum_(167223689
Figure 8: Ashurbanibal hunting lions, c. 645-635 BC. Image by Carole Raddato from FRANKFURT, Germany [CC BY-SA 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
Finally, we get to our last image. Figure 9 shows a typical Sumerian bird god, but with some kind of headdress. The feathers may remind the layman of the American Indian headdresses. It would be no surprise if the two were connected… anthropologically. Here is also where I throw a stick in the spokes of my whole beard-theory. What is on the bird’s head? HAIR! Feathered head adornment! What if they are both one article? Is it possible that the entire head piece of the Sumerian gods includes the hair? My own opinion is “probably not”. But it’s interesting to think about all possibilities.

BirdGod
Figure 9: Speaking of feathers and headdresses

Conclusion

Is the argument that the Nimrod had fake beards a conclusive one? I wouldn’t say so. Perhaps our palm fronds of perfect hindsightedness can’t wave all the smoke away. We are left to speculate on the past and feel our way through the mists of darkness until we come upon some truth by happenstance or Providence.

Nimrod was a true villain. He gathered people together into cities so they could escape the God of Noah and live a life of sin and excess. In Babylon, they built the tower to heaven to make “a name” for themselves and supplant God. They followed the false priesthood of Nimrod to their own confusion and destruction. We can’t say for sure that Nimrod’s beard was fake, but we can say for sure that, as a representation of Priesthood Authority, it was as fake as a diamond ring in a Cracker Jack box. His pristhood was an abomination, derived from Satanic origins. So don’t let the beard fool you. Don’t build towers to heaven for folks like Nimrod.

Post Script

Some races of people can’t grow full beards. Looking at genetics, it is unclear why the Egyptians would not be able to grow beards. DNA test results of the Pharaohs of Middle Egypt published in Nature Communications3 state that “The ancient DNA data revealed a high level of affinity between the ancient inhabitants of Abusir el-Meleq [1500BC Egypt] and modern populations from the Near East and the Levant.” It is pretty obvious that people in the Levant grow beards (see Figure 10). For now, this detail of beard-growing capability will remain a mystery. The bottom line is that fake ones were used.

SyrianArmy
Figure 10: Syrian Army Original source unknown

We at least know that Ramses II was clean shaven when he died! Yikes!

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We aught to cut him some slack though. He was something like 93 years old when he died. However, as a side note, it has been determined that Ramses II’ hair was originally red. Egypt was a pretty racially diverse place. Who’d have thought?

Sources:
  1. “Headdresses.” Fashion, Costume, and Culture: Clothing, Headwear, Body Decorations, and Footwear through the Ages. . Encyclopedia.com. 2 Jun. 2018 <http://www.encyclopedia.com&gt;.
  2. Brier, Bob. Decoding the Secrets of Egyptian Hieroglyphs. The Great Courses, 2016. Print.
  3. Schuenemann, V. J. et al. Ancient Egyptian mummy genomes suggest an increase of Sub-Saharan African ancestry in post-Roman periods. Nat. Commun. 8, 15694 doi: 10.1038/ncomms15694 (2017).

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